Random Mussings

Facing my demons
Looking back at this reality and existence that we all call life I have continually been faced with the prospect of going through it in a “haze” “slumber” unable to fully comprehend what it is about this warped existence that always left me with a dour atrocious taste in my mouth.
Could it be I wonder, that I have lost a crucial element and component of myself and being in an inability to fight the raging bloodshot eyed demons that pursue me at every step I take? Tugging at me, fighting me, pulling me down and being utter hinderances!! Ludicrous really the amount of carnage they have left in their wake..
I feel the crab mentality they exhibit had only added to the turmoil within me. A turmoil I dare not even try to put to words for fear of it engulfing all in its path, evolving into an irresistible unstoppable force. A juggernaut of sorts!!
I paint a dreary, almost eerie picture not by choice but because it has morphed into thus. The fight with them has predictably always been a loosing one. Which only heightens my anguish and despair and such a vulgar repulsive outcome.
Maybe starting at the genesis may shed a little light on what it is that haunts me. I have always been gifted both in intellect and in familial support excelling in almost all my endevours from grade school through high school to varsity.. But throughout all this i have had a constant companion. A never leaving presence, a second shadow if I can call it that.
Even through work they have been there exhibiting an animosity incomparable to anything I can define or are willing to define. They know no boundaries stepping even into a personal life that they have no right to be in. Relationships have thus suffered fallen prey to my constant nemesis.
These demons have always been in tow, making me question and doubt at every step refusing to allow me any solace or comfort. Second guessing me on all aspects questioning the logic and sensibility of my right turn to an optional left one. Throwing terrible anecdotes in my face and being basically oxymoronic parasites.
I refuse though to give them a face and credence by naming them and vindicating their presence in my life.. I therefore will maintain an air of invulnerability and skirt about them. This in a way totally defeats the purpose of this
monotone, but that’s just also a reality they choose to give me.. SCARY RIGHT!!!

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